“Alcohol is a way of life, alcohol is my way of life, and I aim to keep it.” ~ Homer Simpson

“I’m on a whisky diet. I’ve lost three days already.” ~ Tommy Cooper

“Time is never wasted when you’re wasted all the time.” ~ Catherine Zandonella

“24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?” ~ Steven Wright

“A drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts.” ~ Steve Fergosi

“All is fair in love and beer.” ~ Kurt Paradis

“Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.” ~ Ernest Hemingway

“I feel bad for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.” ~ Frank Sinatra

"I always take Scotch whiskey at night as a preventive of toothache. I have never had the toothache; and what is more, I never intend to have it." ~ Mark Twain

"I would rather have a free bottle in front of me than a pre-frontal lobotomy" ~ Dean Martin